A few weeks ago DNKN went public and people bought some of their money donuts even though DNKN has not made a good tasting donut since they strayed from their old fashioned donut recipes. If I had the choice between eating a carrot cake out of someone else’s mouth or eating a chocolate sprinkled donut made of DNKN cheese then I would probably do things I regretted. Most people have dirty mouths.

Some people think DNKN is undervalued right now, but as long as the coffee at DNKN tastes like a cross between brown cow sweat and dead leaf juice then I will probably continue to yell at the analysts in my computer who say things like, “UNDERVALUED DONUT COMMODITIES.”

Still, I hope that one day I own a DNKN franchise because I will only sell sushi and I will pay my employees $27 per hour.

If you invested in DNKN you should leave a $5 tip every time you go to DNKN because one of the reason DNKN is a stock worth buying is because the employees are paid like sixteen-year-old teenagers even though a lot of them are single mothers with high cigarette and diabetes costs.

Once, when I was a sixteen-year-old teenager I worked at DNKN. All my coworkers were either meth addicts or single mothers with multiple toilets to feed. I felt guilty that I earned as much as them. Sometimes I would get so mad I would bring a tray of donuts into the bathroom and flush them.

The only way I would ever invest in DNKN is if DNKN started selling sushi or if they made a slim jim flavored ice coffee.