In five months I would like for someone to give me a job. I don’t need a job, but it would be nice to have a job and not be poor. Dear America, give me a job in five months. I will probably be able to start on May 15th 2010.

Dear potential employer, please give me a yearly salary of $40,000. I am worth more than this, but I can live comfortably on $40,000. It would also be cool if you gave me a lightweight mountain bike or a pickup truck, but I understand if you only want to give me a yearly salary of $40,000 and nothing else.

If you want to give me more than $40,000 then I will give it to someone who isn’t making $40,000. Everyone should make $40,000. Make this happen America. Get everyone rich.

If you give me more than $40,000 then maybe I will give some of my excess monies to the government on top of the taxes I will already be paying. I like the idea of throwing bags of pennies at politicians. I think this should become a new trend. It would be funny to run up to a politician and yell, “FIX THE MOTHERFUCKING GOVERNMENT,” and then throw a bag of pennies into their face so that they crumple over in shock and also because they are feeling a small amount of pain. I would like to add that I have no clue how one would fix the government. Maybe just give the government to google or Warren Buffet.

I wonder if Jon Stewart or The Colbert Report read my blog. Hello Jon and The Colbert Report, one of you should pay me $40,000 a year. I could go around and hit politicians in the face with bags of pocket change. There would be absolutely no logic to who I hit in the face. I would hit all the politicians in the face because I don’t know enough about politics to tell the difference between the side that thinks money is important and the other side that also thinks money is important, but in a slightly different way.

I wish someone would make politics as interesting as baseball or basketball. If they did I might start paying more attention. Obama tried, but the last time he played basketball he got a bloody lip.

For the most part, I think most people would be okay with me hitting politicians in the face with money bags. I can imagine some people might get upset. I think I would need a cause or a reason for hitting politicians. I guess I could say I was doing it for national healthcare.