I’ve decided not to take any literature courses.  I don’t think anyone cares.  I don’t think there are any requirements for this MFA program.  I am in Basic Spanish.  Nothing really matters.  All the students are 12.  They don’t even know what an MFA is.  At the beginning of the semester there were forty people trying to get in the class. The professor said, “It makes no sense for you to take Spanish.  There is no way you will ever pass. You are too old.”  I told the professor, “Mi casa es tu casa.”  The professor said, “All the other students will be scared because you are fifteen years older than them.  One student asked the professor, ‘Do those grad students have to be in our class?  It feels like my dad is taking Spanish.’  I felt bad for this student.  I don’t think I would want to take Spanish with my dad.

One of the poets is taking Spanish with me.  We work together when we have to work in groups.  He said, “I hope I can fully consume this Spanish book.  Then I will take the knowledge down to Columbia.”  Last night, I chatted with this poet on the internet.  He said, “The professor called me today.  She said many dirty Spanish words I didn’t know and then hung up.”  I said, “Maybe she sees you as a mature and responsible option for her three kids.”  He said, “I think she was drunk.”  I said, “Maybe you and her can move to Columbia.  You could leave her kids in a ditch.”  The poet didn’t like this idea.  He said, “The professor would not be enjoyable in Columbia.”

We had our first test a few days ago.  It feels weird to take tests.  I was a little concerned.  Spanish is pretty insane.  Some of the other students may have shit themselves.  I think I was still shitting myself when I was twelve.  I think in my last little league game ever there was an incident.  I was twelve.  Someone’s father threw a beer can at me.  I might have got hit in the head.  I passed out.  I woke up a hospital bed.  When I went back to school all the kids laughed at me and held their noses.

One of the students in my Spanish class said, “I went to your website and read your stuff.  I didn’t understand it.  You said, ‘You’re purposely trying to fail Spanish.’”   I did not know what to say to them.  I kind of thought, “What the fuck are you doing on my website?”  I wanted to tell them to stop coming to my site.  I kind of wanted to take a picture of their face and put it on my site under the caption, “Get off my website.  You’re too young.”

The professor emailed me my grade for the first test.  I got a 16.5 out of 20.  I got 82.5% of the test correct.  I am a little disappointed I didn’t fail.  It would be funnier if I failed.