Dear Yachting Magazine,

I wrote a book called “Yachts.” It is a coming-of-age treatise on the glut of wealth that underprivileged children in America set out to find between the ages of six and whatever age they reach at the time of their father’s death. I think my research for this book makes me more than qualified to be your Editor-in-Chief. The book is still looking for a publisher. In the meantime I am working at a factory where I build inhalers. I am also in the process of learning how to make the leap from my parents’ working class background to something with more comfort and luxury. I am confident that Yachting Magazine is the best place for me to reach my full potential.

The end.

Love and skittles,

Mark Baumer