When I was eleven my dad let me have a sip of a beer called ‘Rolling Rock’. I didn’t like the taste, but I liked the color of the bottle.

In either seventh or eighth grade I heard some kids at school talking about how they drank vodka before a dance so when I got home from school I found some vodka and filled my mouth with it, but then I got scared and spit it out and brushed my teeth.

I took my last intentional drink of alcohol the winter of my freshman year of high school. I was in Stowe, Vermont for a hockey tournament. In the hotel room I mixed some rum or whiskey with a can of orange soda. I got a little buzzed.

Three years ago someone gave me a piece of chocolate. I ate it. The chocolate was filled with wine which confused me because I didn’t know wine filled chocolate existed.

About a month after the chocolate filled with wine I woke up one morning and found an open can of pineapple juice in my refrigerator. I took a sip. I guess I fell off something that people refer to as ‘the wagon’. The pineapple juice was spiked.

Last year I was at a party. There were a couple of containers of something called “sparkling water.” The liquid known as “sparkling water” was purple and not sparkling. I poured myself a cup. I took a sip. It did not taste like what I expected. Someone told me the bottles of “sparkling water” were filled with sangria.

The end.