August 2011
8 posts
I started a new band called “Maroon 5000.” I was going to call the band “Oasis 3,” but then I worried that no one remembered who Oasis was so I looked up band names on the billboard charts and I saw a band called “Maroon 5.” I am sort of disappointed I didn’t name the band “Oasis 3.” Maybe I will quit the “Maroon 5000” band and...
I went to the beach yesterday and played volleyball with some boys who kept saying “bro.” I got tired of them saying “bro” so every time I hit the volleyball I said, “Gary Lutz.” Then one guy began yelling “Paraguay.” At that point, I sort of got tired of the beach so I kicked the volleyball in the ocean and ran home.
Every year billions of people fall asleep on public benches because either they are unemployed, don’t have a bed, forgot where their bed is, are afraid of their own bed, traded their bed for a wooden cane, or accidentally pooped in their pillowcase and don’t want to clean it up.
Financial Recap: Yesterday, the monies ate rich and everyone was aroused financially. When I was walking home from work people were throwing their small, portable barbecue grills at each other they were so excited. I told my brain to remain calm.
Stock Tip: Wendy’s (WEN) only costs $4.97 right now (August 11, 2011). That seems low. It would be tough to buy a combo meal at Wendy’s...
I have a new piece up at slacktory called: “The first eight girls Justin Bieber dated before he was famous.”
The editor of slacktory, Nick Douglas, had asked me to “analyze the two-year outlook of tech IPOs in light of the newly volatile stock market.” I wasn’t really sure what that meant so I googled volatile tech IPOs and immediately felt dirty so I took a shower....
A few weeks ago DNKN went public and people bought some of their money donuts even though DNKN has not made a good tasting donut since they strayed from their old fashioned donut recipes. If I had the choice between eating a carrot cake out of someone else’s mouth or eating a chocolate sprinkled donut made of DNKN cheese then I would probably do things I regretted. Most people have dirty...
I added a “stock ticker” to everyday yeah.