March 2011
20 posts
a small history of some brown paper napkins
About four billion years have passed since the day my grandfather taught me how to draw on brown paper napkins. I am no longer a child. I had sort of forgotten about the idea of drawing on a brown paper napkin. In my elder twenties I’ve developed an enjoyment for the human pleasure of a town called Woonsocket. I like to visit Woonsocket frequently. It has become my favorite place. A very...
HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL (parts 1-20)
1. A guy who was not me once said, “I am a swimming pool. Use a fishing pole inside my human body.” Another guy who was not me said, “If you want to write a novel hold your breath and begin typing until you pass out.”
2. Writing a novel is like building a ship out of mind farts. If you know how to blink then you can build a ship.
3. Language is the fascist dictator of your face. If your lips are...
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I applied for a job at Melville House Publishing
I applied for this job. Here is my cover letter:
Dear Dennis,
I am the motherfucker. I am the job. I’ve got hands. People look up to me because I am taller and better than them. When I was two I peed my first manuscript. I am wearing a tie right now so my mouth feels there is no reason to be formal. Here is the honest reality of what I believe:
I am a human orchid.
If everyone else is a...
