February 2011
10 posts
I’M BEING PAID MONEY TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DO...
introduction
There are probably going to be fifty classes this semester.
class #1
Hello, I’m Old Boy, you can call me Old Boy because my name is Old Boy. I am my own best friend. You can be friends with Old Boy too. He doesn’t have any friends except me. Old Boy decided to teach a class at a university. The name of this university is, “Black Sun Anus.” The university asked Old Boy to make a...
January 2011
16 posts
If you want to make friends don't dance too slow...
Last night I went to a dance club. I began dancing very slow because usually when I go to a dance club I get sweaty and I didn’t want to get sweaty because then I would have to take a shower when I got home or change my sheets in the morning if I was too tired to shower. After a few minutes of dancing slow by myself I noticed people looking at me. A girl to my left then said, “I...
a gun is an object that some people like to touch...
I am a large, white, single male who has never killed a deer. I do not own a gun. Sometimes I hear people say, “Guns are bad.” Other times I hear people say, “Guns are good.” I once shot a gun and I was very bad at it. I think the point of everything is that everything is okay. If I went to a school where all the students learned how to shoot a gun then maybe I would still...
On Saturday February 5th at 2 am I will be...
I set up an event in Washington DC during AWP. I can never remember what AWP stands for, but it seems like a big conference where a lot of people on the internet go to prove to other people on the internet that they are real. The event will take place at the Washington Monument between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. I think everyone in the Brown University MFA program will be there, but I encourage anyone who...
2 tags
I tried to think today. This is what I thought.
A turtle can get angry but only a clam knows the most proper form of madness.
Everyone has a toy elephant inside them. When you feel sad or angry or embarrassed it is the toy elephant inside you that is feeling these things not you. Only when you are happy are you not the toy elephant. The toy elephant is never happy.
If you are bored then lick your own skin and if it tastes like milk then you...
I spoke to a group of hopeless teenagers yesterday
I was asked to give a speech/lecture to a group of teenagers that were feeling depressed and hopeless. I did not prepare at all for the speech/lecture. Instead, I watched a movie about a guy who has children. In the movie the guy says he is sad. And then his children say, “Don’t be sad father,” and this makes him even more sad so he goes to sleep.
The person who asked me to...
Big, interesting, relaxed guy carries a small twig
I found a small twig. It is an ordinary small twig, but I am a big, interesting, relaxed individual. When people see a big, interesting, relaxed guy caring a small, ordinary twig they are confused. I smile and nod. They think, “WTF CITY!” I wave the small twig at them and tilt my head to the side and smile.
Today I only talked to a librarian and a cat
I waited in line until the librarian said, “Yes?” Then I said, “I can’t find this book,” and I gave the librarian a slip of paper. The librarian clicked on their computer for a bit and then shook their head and opened their mouth to the sound of, “Yeaaaaaah…” and continued with, “We don’t have that book.” I nodded and left the...
Dear CEOs, University Presidents, Office Managers,...
In five months I would like for someone to give me a job. I don’t need a job, but it would be nice to have a job and not be poor. Dear America, give me a job in five months. I will probably be able to start on May 15th 2010.
Dear potential employer, please give me a yearly salary of $40,000. I am worth more than this, but I can live comfortably on $40,000. It would also be cool if you gave...
I woke up and found three burnt pieces of toast outside my front door. I thought about taking the bus, but I didn’t see any buses. I was bored so I tilted my head to the side and began walking funny. I felt like a zombie dinosaur. When I passed a restaurant near my house I heard someone talk about the sweater I was wearing. I thought about turning around and giving them mouth noise, but I...
night0nfire asked: DO YOU LIVE IN PROVIDENCE i just saw a video of the jumping contest and thats down city prov! haha im excited because I lived there for two years and miss the shit out of prov
