November 2009
26 posts
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“This band was the best music I’d ever heard, bar none. They made you want...”
– Barry Hannah Geronimo Rex…OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG…this book feels so good to read right now…best book I’ve picked up in a long time.
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Jesse Ball's The Way Through Doors
I finished Jesse Ball’s The Way Through Doors last night. Out of all the books I’ve ever read it’s probably my favorite book. This might not be true. I enjoyed it better than Jesse Ball’s last book Samedi the deafness, not to say that book wasn’t good, he’s just outdone himself with The Way Through Doors.
I’m trying to think of reasons why I liked...
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WatchToday, I found an old Sunday paper in the recycling and decided to kick some field goals with mixed results.
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WatchI found a box yesterday. I asked two people to be goal posts. I tried to kick a field goal. It was unsuccessful.
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WatchI made a speech at brown yesterday. Not a lot of people showed up, but I guess that happens. It was my first speech. I hope I keep getting better.
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Keith Waldrop won the National Book Award in...
Keith Waldrop is a professor at Brown. He won the National Book Award for his book, Transcendental Studies: a Trilogy. The above picture is not Keith Waldrop. It is a squirrel. Yesterday, this squirrel looked at me and said, “Feed me.” I had nothing to feed it. Then it said, “Eat me.” I did not try and eat it. It started laughing. Then it said, “Write my...
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I traded a paperclip for a pizza
I found the paper clip and traded it for a cigarette and traded the cigarette for two condoms and then traded two condoms for three condoms and then one condom for some matches and some matches and two condoms for two smarties and some Day Quill and one smarties for a frequent buyer’s card at meeting street cafe and one smarties for a starbucks gift card with $5.14 on it and one meeting...
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“A seagull was flying about, as seagulls often do. However, this one tried to...”
– from The Way Through Doors by Jesse Ball.
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David Rhode is the Ivy League Rambo
David Rhode is a serious journalist. He was kidnapped by the Taliban. Then he escaped. He does not look like Rambo. He is a Brown University alum. Yesterday he came to campus to talk about his experience. I think my father would be pretty happy I went to the talk. David Rhode is a pretty amazing guy. His wife is now pregnant. I am happy for the two of them. I think I would impregnate my...
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i found a box at brown university today
I was in the library. I found this box. I thought maybe there would be a small child inside. There wasn’t There was a note inside the box. The note said, “If it’s your Birthday, happy birthday. If it’s not…Oh well.” I wasn’t sure what to do. It was not my birthday today. I decided to give the box to someone else. I walked into a classroom....
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WatchToday was the first annual Yale MFA charity softball game. They asked Brown to play, but everyone at Brown thought it was a dumb idea. I think Yale ended up asking every MFA program in the country to play. Everyone thought Yale was joking. AMVD Insurance finally stepped up and agreed to play. Yale MFA was talking a lot of shit before the game, but sloppy defense eventually lost the game for...
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Wells Tower came to visit a month ago
Last month Wells Tower visited. He is an author. I did not take a picture of him. I tried to draw his face from memory and then ended up copying Hank Hill’s face, but without the glasses. Wells kind of looks a little like a younger version of Hank Hill. Wells also reads in a southern accent. The picture I drew of Wells almost looks like Wells. I think Wells has a brother named Lake. While...
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Brown MFA statistics
For the last two months I have put my heart into this blog. Unfortunately, it looks like all the hard work and effort has not paid off. And all this time I thought people were reading my blog constantly. This is really depressing. Only one person has visited my blog and they clicked on five things before leaving. This does not seem possible. Both my mother and father said they read my...
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For Those Whom God Has Blessed With Fingers by Ken...
For Those Whom God Has Blessed With Fingers is probably the greatest book I’ve read since I read Ken Sparling’s other book, Dad Says He Saw You at the Mall. Every section of this book reads like its own story. Every sentence is its own world. It makes me want to write a book called I think I saw a Webelo on the Escalator. It makes me want to have kids and name them Yawnboy and Orphantoes. I...
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National Nacho Day
Two friends came to visit me on Friday. It was National Nacho Day. For one man, Mr. Sean Lovelace, National Nacho Day is probably the most important day of the year. For me, it’s not quite my favorite day of the year, but it’s pretty important. My friends and I ended up getting so psyched on Nachos we let the festivities spill into Saturday. Partly, we were a little disappointed with the...
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Dear Natalia Ginzburg, were the cheeseburgers...
Dear authors, would you put a bird on the cover of your book if it meant you could only eat cheeseburgers for the rest of your life? I think I might, but only if the cheeseburgers were free. More info on above book.
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Dude, your book has a bird on it
Russell Banks probably drives a BMW, but one of his books has birds on it. I’m not sure if I’d want to be Russell Banks or not. Maybe I wouldn’t mind being him if one of his books wasn’t called, “Dreaming in America.” I think Russell Banks needs to take a good long hard look at his BMW and realize he doesn’t deserve it.
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I saw a yale poet and wanted to punch him, but...
Someone told me Yale has been talking shit lately. Last Thursday Yale sent a poet to Providence and he brought his book and said, “Buy my book.” I went to the reading and said, “I heard all the poets got beat up last weekend.” The Yale Poet fixed his glasses and said, “Scrambled farm eggs and toasted baguette.” This made everyone a little excited and a few people might have punched a...
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WatchThis is from a reading by Ilya Kaminksy at Brown. The video doesn’t do his reading justice. Check out this video to get a better idea.
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“I often wonder about the people who linger over trash baskets at the corners of...”
– Renata Adler, page 28, of Speedboat
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WatchI found a shelf full of old documents from 1925. My favorite was from Samuel T. Arnold to Mr. Homer P. Smith:
“Dear Mr. Smith: I am recommending to Dean Randall that he appoint you as stock room assistant. Your pay is to be fifty cents per hour with a maximum of $110. for the year. I enclose a schedule of the hours I should like to have you work and will expect you to report immediately...
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Fiction Workshop with Professor Snowflake
Today we had our weekly workshop with Professor Snowflake. I’ve changed his name and redrawn his face to protect his identity. To give you some idea of his stature he may have written one of the following books: The Great Gatsby, Moby Dick, A Hundred and One Bird Calls, that Sarah Palin Autobiography, or The Stories of John Edgar Wideman. Anyway, Professor Snowflake began talking about the...
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There are a lot of squirrels in the Brown MFA...
I have re-read every one of these pictures. I apologize. Squirrels don’t say any of these things. Also, the comedic timing on all of them is awful. Oh well. Stupid things happen sometimes. Mostly, I enjoy the pictures. There are honestly a lot of squirrels running around. Yesterday, I was standing on the sidewalk and I could see six different squirrels from where I was...